Saturday, July 30, 2011


As the title says, my apologies for not blogging sooner! Since my last post things have been a tad hectic. I started work two weeks ago, which what the boss said has been a shit past two weeks 0.o LOL, I don't think he was referring to me starting, but more to the fact that me trying to learn as fast as I can was even more stressful ontop of all the issues they have been having. But last night we were all invited to his house for after work drinks and I must say it was AMAZING! It's definitely fueled my desire to work harder, although I'm only a receptionist right now.

Things with Sammy Boy and I have most certainly improved. I had massages three nights in a row, so lucky :D Our one year anniversary is coming up real soon and I'm still not 100% on what to get him.. Guys are way too hard to buy for!

Anyway enough about my wumblebee and onto myself, since this blog is about me.. Don't worry I'm not like that all the time... *shifty eyes* I have at least seven packages on their way to me, most I will probably forget about which is always a lovely surprise to come home to! Will definitely post lots of pictures of what I receive in the next few weeks! With my second pay I have been exercising my card, he was feeling quite neglected.

(L-R) 2x Clairol Nice n' Easy Natural Dark Mohogany Brown Hair Dye, Kiss Nail Art Pack, Rimmel Glam Eyes Liquid Eyeliner, Australis Paparazzi Perfect High Definition Blush, Cetirizine, Rimmel Eyebrow Pencil, Mooloola Embellished Top, T2 Sencha Peach Loose Tea, Mooloola Black Ruffle Top, Ladakh Animalistic Print Skirt.

I'll do some swatches in my next post, I'm gonna go dye my hurr now! 

Love Love.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


I found it hard coming back to post something entirely unrelated to my last post since it was so freakin' emotional.

Not to Self: Stay off Blogger while crying. Sorry for those that had to read that embarrassing release.

Since then I've seen relatively better days. Alot less crying I can assure you! As I posted a few blogs before I had some good news to share. With a high doubt that I would be accepted into Tafe to study a Certificate III in Children's Services I started my search for a job. At first it was only Casual/Part Time just incase a letter was sent out with for an offer to study. But as my doubt grew higher I assumed I had nothing to lose by just sending in resumes for appealing office jobs. A few days later I got a call asking if I would like to come in for an interview, and naturally I said yes. So I went up there nervous as Hell and did my thang... LOL jokes I'm not even sure what she saw in me. I was told their process was a 1st round of interviews followed by the 2nd and then they'd go from there. I got home at about 2:30 with a pounding headache from what I thought was mounting nerves. At about 3pm I got a call asking for a second interview! So the following Monday I went in after we'd dropped Mum off at the airport and she went over some details with me about times, pay, holidays and what not.. I arrived home and assumed if I hadn't gotten a call at around 3pm again that there was a chance I would have been unsuccessful. So I had a nap for about an hour and I still received no call until around 4o'clock.

She called to ask me if I would like to join the team! And so out of 100+ applicants, they chose me! I start next Monday and I'm quite excited to be able to get back into the online shopping game, something I do oh so well. And I found out on the Sunday before my second interview I actually had an offer of place to study my Cert III!

So onto much brighter days and much more positive thinking.

Sunday, July 3, 2011


The best way to spend your 9 month anniversary.
"See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin' while I'm with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on runnin' back to you"

I've had a terrible weekend. The past few weeks have been really rocky relationship-wise.

It's been back and forth between sweet words and harsh fights. It brings tears to my eyes just writing about it, I'm not entirely sure why. It might be from the disappointment I find after getting my hopes up. Or the insecurities I feel after every fight. I can't hold a grudge, no matter how much he deserves it. And he deserves it big time. I feel like it will make me look bad and make him think "well if she can treat me like this I can find somebody better." So I'll always ask for forgiveness as if I'm in the wrong, when that is rarely the case.

"Baby, I don't know why ya treatin' me so bad
You said you loved me, no one above me and I was all you had
And though my heart is eating for you, I can't stop cryin'
I don't know how I allow you to treat me this way yet still I stay?"

"Baby, I don't know why ya wanna do me wrong
See when I'm home, I'm all alone and you are always gone
And boy, you know I really love you, I can't deny
I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears
After all these years?

I'm wrapped so tightly around his finger, we both know it. I used to be so strong and guarded, whereas these days I can't even bare to glance at my reflection. I'm so ashamed of how weak I've become. I try act strong but I find myself running back to him.

I know we've had some amazing times, and there was a reason we met in Bali. But if I had known that things would reveal to this back then, I would have stayed clear of his path. Months ago I was sure this was the person for me. My Prince Charming that I'd spend Happily Ever After with. These days it's like making exceptions for a toad.

He used to call me beautiful, and by the look in his eyes it felt like he truly meant it. He used to want to kiss me and touch my skin and hold my hand in public, without a care of who was looking. He used to put me first.

Now it's a subtle complement. There's nothing in his eyes to even fathom a thought that he means it like he used to. Now it's one soft kiss, if it ever comes to kissing and touching it's for a certain reason and in private. I now find myself putting him before everything and him taking both myself and what I do for granted.

"See, when I get the strength to leave you
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak 'cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change
Never gonna change, never gonna change"

No matter what I do he's the first person I think of. If I have a snack I'll give it to him. If I have the last of my money and he asks for it, I'll give it to him.Whenever he comes over there's always water waiting for him, and I'll make tea/food if he asks for it. The fan is always plugged in incase it gets too hot for him, although I'm constantly cold. He gets the pillow I used to use because he finds it the most comfortable. I'll sleep at his house a majority of the time because he's more comfortable with it. If he asks for a massage he knows I won't turn him down. If he asks for a sexual favour, he knows I will rarely tell him to get f*cked. I've lost friends for him. I do all these things because I want to be as selfless as I can so that he won't want to look for somebody else. Lately though, it feels as if he is looking elsewhere regardless of my actions. It's in my gut but without anyway to prove it, there isn't much I can do.

"Baby why you hurt me, leave me and desert me?
Boy, I gave you all my heart and all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window, knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags this something always hold me back."

I have to ask for a massage from him, although he knows he should offer them to me considering our personal circumstances. There are times where yes, he does think of me.. But sometimes I feel the relationship is based on how my being with him effects him, and himself being in control of the relationship, rather than how we make each other feel and being together as you do in a relationship.
I honestly do not know anymore.
"I've learnt to expect nothing from people, so that anything is at least something."
Wouldn't have thought I'd be the person to create that 'quote,' especially looking back on it from where I am now. Lyrics from 'Foolish' - Ashanti.